During the youth night on Sunday they gave us 'leaders' some time to go into the chapel and pray for the teens (while the teens got a chance to pray for us and write nice things to us or something). It was a hard day, and it took some time to get used to the Adoration Chapel. It had been a while since I went in there to prayer. The whole feeling of the chapel seems contrived. Windows I can't see through, candles that aren't really candles, stained glass windows that aren't really stained glass, and an altar that isn't actually an altar. Its a pedestal for the Tabernacle. To call something an altar means it is used to offer sacrifices and prayer. Since the Tabernacle is bolted to the altar in this chapel, it could never be used to say Mass.
But all this aside, God is there. Though these distractions took me hostage a few minutes, God was there. I entered into a stance of supplication and openness the best I knew how, and asked God to be with me. I asked that He help me understand why so much pain can come from a place so blessed and full of joy. Why so much hurt pervades even this small church.
His answer was clear and overwhelming: this is the hurt of my Church. This is not your church, John, but mine. Today I let you feel one small example of the pain suffered by my Church daily. Enter into it. Understand it. There are some things that take more logical arguments than can ever be made, John. Some things just take love. I need you to heal my church, John. Forget the logical arguments. Forget the stress and the worries. Heal my Church.
I had entered into a logical discussion with myself on the possibility of reunion between denominations of Christianity via this blog, and find it tiresome and tedious. The way in which God reveals his glory to people is entirely up to Him, and I will simply have to be ok with the fact that He will not be limited by the stupidity of individual denominations and people misinterpreting what He has said. For even in Augustine's time the Church was not totally unified. Even Sts. Peter & Paul had disagreements. But they were able to stand together as the Church in the end.
I keep wanting to logically argue my way out of this mess. I keep wanting to say, "all i need to do is come up with a way to understand traditionally held beliefs in the face of modern science, and Christianity will slowly become one" or some other logical stance...but no. No! The way to unity is love, humility, patience, and forgiveness...mostly from my own faults. If I have learned one thing in my marriage (and I have learned many), it is that Christian unity is bonded by love and all its friends. Patience, understanding, hope, faith. Strength, selflessness. Truth. The ability to see that God is mightier than all. And, like Job, we are dust and to dust we shall return. To think that we have constructed the most perfect church service or the most perfect way to pray is an act of hubris. We are small creatures given remarkable gifts of consciousness, freedom, and love.
In the end, this is who must be as Christians. These are the points on which we will slowly become One Church under God. We will never agree on exact language and doctrine. Compromises will be made, but faith is about the depths of our relationship with God. Faith is about bringing people to God. Faith has never been about specific language in the fine print of Church documents.
But to unify the Church, documents have always been and will be necessary. So we must go on. In faith and love, reaching out to people, growing, loving, devoting my life to bringing people closer to God. In logic, reaching out to all Christians who seek as well to know their Christian family better. In prayer, understanding all Christians more clearly so as to answer God's call from Sunday night.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
the frustration
its not that parish life isn't helpful or good. its just that i feel so damn useless here, lord. i could make all the phone calls in the world, and i would still have little to do. i tried to make this job more productive. i tried to make it better, and no.
so what am i to do? i should, i suppose, knock out the songs for this coming Sunday, focused around Love. i should, but i sincerely doubt the sermon being tied to the readings. i sincerely doubt that it will have much, if anything, to do with love. maybe it'll be something like the week before i left...i.e., a tirade against universities folding to politics. maybe it'll be another call for money, or something about the end of the school year, nudging people to remember Christ as they go into the summer.
but will it be about Love? About the uncompromising Love of God found through scripture? Can the Gospel be more direct for Sunday?? The first reading sets up the scene perfectly...the Holy Spirit falls upon Gentiles, for the first time (that we read). The Psalm sings to us the wondrous deeds of God. Then we're hit with the beauty of 1st John, saying "whoever loves is begotten by God and knows God, whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love." Love means not that we love God, but is explicitly defined as God "sent his Son as expiation for our sins." Yes, action. Love is defined as action.
The beauty of the ideal of freedom in Love is a far cry from the theological steps of predestination. I understand the seemingly theological need for a God who exists outside of time and thus must know all the outcomes within the temporal realm. However, it simply contradicts scripture. God can choose us, but can we truly say Christ had no choice in His own death? If we take freedom from the picture, why should we love? As Bonhoeffer states, what then is the cost of grace? Have we cheapened it to the point of maintaining the status quo? We are acting for the sake of propriety and constancy, not love. If we expiated our lives each day for love, where would we stand? Indeed, where would I stand?
The world is a dangerously complicated place. Entertainment, politics, power, despair, death, love. We are bombarded with the enormity of the entire world. We are humbled by our one small piece of the puzzle. How can we even begin to shift the grains of sand, when the ocean continues to ebb and flow? Why even try? THIS is the argument, THIS is why, on Sunday, we should talk of LOVE. Of self-sacrifice, of action, of faith, of love. THIS is why we meet weekly, some daily, to connect with God. Because there exists within our souls a desire to stand up from our broken-in couches and decry the world of mediocrity so simple to coalesce. We are Christians, and we must. We must. We must step out of the place of general society. We must not simply another religion or another people. We must not strive for power but for love, humility, and righteousness.
I get so tired of not knowing how to make these arguments. I work for a church, damnit! Do even I not have the courage to ask my pastor to talk on love this next Sunday? But what would it do? I must look out for the big picture, for the job next year, for the movement to grad school, to the future and to my family. I must be patient in the place that God has placed me. Though I completely agree with slaves fighting to be free from masters, the idea behind St. Paul's guidelines for submission (Titus 2, Ephesians 6, 1 Cor 7, 1 Tim 6) is to underscore the trust in God's will and the patience in His plan. It is to underscore that there are times to step out, and times to be patient and wait. I have trust in God's plan. On top of that, I have trust in God leading the pastors of this church. I know they are seeking after Him. I don't understand why we still see things differently, but I also understand the complicated nature of the human psyche and the difficulty of a relationship with God. Even the most pious Priest carries with him all the experiences, worries, and psychological archetypal misconceptions that plague each of us from birth. The best persons in history have slowly understood this, placing their entire life in the open and finding solace in the indefinable nature of God. So little power we have, in the end, without God. But with God, all things are possible.
Naturally, then, the question lies...where in our lives is God and where in our lives are we alone? It took the church 1900 years to recognize the rights of all humans and why outright rejection of slavery is the will of God. I concede that perhaps slavery was far different back then, but so was the whole world. If St. Paul wrote concession, he certainly saw a different form of slavery than existed in the past few hundred years.
To be Christian is to love. According to 1 John 4:7, "everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." Perhaps, then, everyone who truly loves is Christian. And many of us baptized are going to be in for a rude awakening come the day we die.
Lord, have mercy.
so what am i to do? i should, i suppose, knock out the songs for this coming Sunday, focused around Love. i should, but i sincerely doubt the sermon being tied to the readings. i sincerely doubt that it will have much, if anything, to do with love. maybe it'll be something like the week before i left...i.e., a tirade against universities folding to politics. maybe it'll be another call for money, or something about the end of the school year, nudging people to remember Christ as they go into the summer.
but will it be about Love? About the uncompromising Love of God found through scripture? Can the Gospel be more direct for Sunday?? The first reading sets up the scene perfectly...the Holy Spirit falls upon Gentiles, for the first time (that we read). The Psalm sings to us the wondrous deeds of God. Then we're hit with the beauty of 1st John, saying "whoever loves is begotten by God and knows God, whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love." Love means not that we love God, but is explicitly defined as God "sent his Son as expiation for our sins." Yes, action. Love is defined as action.
The beauty of the ideal of freedom in Love is a far cry from the theological steps of predestination. I understand the seemingly theological need for a God who exists outside of time and thus must know all the outcomes within the temporal realm. However, it simply contradicts scripture. God can choose us, but can we truly say Christ had no choice in His own death? If we take freedom from the picture, why should we love? As Bonhoeffer states, what then is the cost of grace? Have we cheapened it to the point of maintaining the status quo? We are acting for the sake of propriety and constancy, not love. If we expiated our lives each day for love, where would we stand? Indeed, where would I stand?
The world is a dangerously complicated place. Entertainment, politics, power, despair, death, love. We are bombarded with the enormity of the entire world. We are humbled by our one small piece of the puzzle. How can we even begin to shift the grains of sand, when the ocean continues to ebb and flow? Why even try? THIS is the argument, THIS is why, on Sunday, we should talk of LOVE. Of self-sacrifice, of action, of faith, of love. THIS is why we meet weekly, some daily, to connect with God. Because there exists within our souls a desire to stand up from our broken-in couches and decry the world of mediocrity so simple to coalesce. We are Christians, and we must. We must. We must step out of the place of general society. We must not simply another religion or another people. We must not strive for power but for love, humility, and righteousness.
I get so tired of not knowing how to make these arguments. I work for a church, damnit! Do even I not have the courage to ask my pastor to talk on love this next Sunday? But what would it do? I must look out for the big picture, for the job next year, for the movement to grad school, to the future and to my family. I must be patient in the place that God has placed me. Though I completely agree with slaves fighting to be free from masters, the idea behind St. Paul's guidelines for submission (Titus 2, Ephesians 6, 1 Cor 7, 1 Tim 6) is to underscore the trust in God's will and the patience in His plan. It is to underscore that there are times to step out, and times to be patient and wait. I have trust in God's plan. On top of that, I have trust in God leading the pastors of this church. I know they are seeking after Him. I don't understand why we still see things differently, but I also understand the complicated nature of the human psyche and the difficulty of a relationship with God. Even the most pious Priest carries with him all the experiences, worries, and psychological archetypal misconceptions that plague each of us from birth. The best persons in history have slowly understood this, placing their entire life in the open and finding solace in the indefinable nature of God. So little power we have, in the end, without God. But with God, all things are possible.
Naturally, then, the question lies...where in our lives is God and where in our lives are we alone? It took the church 1900 years to recognize the rights of all humans and why outright rejection of slavery is the will of God. I concede that perhaps slavery was far different back then, but so was the whole world. If St. Paul wrote concession, he certainly saw a different form of slavery than existed in the past few hundred years.
To be Christian is to love. According to 1 John 4:7, "everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." Perhaps, then, everyone who truly loves is Christian. And many of us baptized are going to be in for a rude awakening come the day we die.
Lord, have mercy.
Monday, March 09, 2009
part four-belief
Thus far in our discussion, we have decided that faith and belief define two separate entities of thought within the human psyche. Faith is that unconscious attachment to something other and greater than ourselves. Beliefs are constructs put in place to define Faith and connect it to the conscious mind. In Jungian terms, Faith is the Unconscious, Senses are the Conscious, Belief is the Self.
We have also concluded that it helps no one to water down beliefs in order to maintain the same belief structure across the board. Even with the purest of intentions, an assertion to an equivalence of differing beliefs degrades the Faith of everyone involved. Thus a tension must be maintained.
Where, then, is the finality? Is there a reason to bring Christian denominations together? Will it all end up in weakened Faiths?
The finality exists in realizing that all these discussions deal with the psychological states of adults with varying belief structures and accepting the limits this causes. There will be no great migration of adults from one belief to another, precisely because people unconsciously realize the danger to their Faith that comes with attempting to accept a different belief structure. It is perhaps a survival instinct within the psyche. The same reason why most people do not switch political parties easily, if ever.
Change happens over generations. Even though change may occur in someone's lifetime (say, Einstein's discovery of space-time), the acceptance of such a monumental discovery will not take place until long after the person has died. Especially if such change deals in matters of faith and belief.
But what change could be needed or asked for? In the matter of Christianity, while there exists much Truth, there seems to exist little agreement on its particulates. Due to this, and due to the fact that--no matter what--most people understand that very intelligent people disagree sharply on scriptural interpretation--many Christians live haphazard and distant Christian lives.
This fact is the main reason for the unification of Christianity. Because though God reaches many who come to believe in Jesus, the arguments over Scripture, dogma, and the hypocrisy that follows have turned away more people from God than ever before. People convert to Christianity because of individual Christians and communities. In rare cases, because of the intellectual argument of the denomination's dogma.
But details of dogma exist.
Once flourished, they cannot be reinserted into the unknown. They must be dealt with. The finest minds and heart will not be able to quell people's desire to know someone important's stance on contraception, the death penalty, Eucharist, or the Holy Spirit. What about liturgy? What about the importance of scripture? Free will? The consequence of the Fall? The reason Christ died?
In the end, Christian leaders...most of them...are concerned with Faith of their believers. They and their believers have achieved this faith by believing what they believe. How, then, could it be wrong? "We have faith...what could be wrong with our interpretation of scripture?" I feel God must have some great purpose for allowing such thoughts.
Although, Divine intervention and grace comes without strings. God does not require a signature to have a relationship or to kindle the fire of Love. He only requires a desire to grow that nondescript "Faith." Thus, it is not that God approves of all the nonsense of humanity, but that God is not so cruel as to let the many burn in Hell and lose access to faith because of the stubbornness of a few. Faith across denominations, then, is not a curse but a kindness. It is our job to have it all make sense and stop the sharp backlash of people against Christianity due to the wild inconsistencies of belief structures.
It is our job to prepare the way for the Lord. It is our job to prepare Earth as a Kingdom of Heaven. God will not be hampered by our stupidity.
We have also concluded that it helps no one to water down beliefs in order to maintain the same belief structure across the board. Even with the purest of intentions, an assertion to an equivalence of differing beliefs degrades the Faith of everyone involved. Thus a tension must be maintained.
Where, then, is the finality? Is there a reason to bring Christian denominations together? Will it all end up in weakened Faiths?
The finality exists in realizing that all these discussions deal with the psychological states of adults with varying belief structures and accepting the limits this causes. There will be no great migration of adults from one belief to another, precisely because people unconsciously realize the danger to their Faith that comes with attempting to accept a different belief structure. It is perhaps a survival instinct within the psyche. The same reason why most people do not switch political parties easily, if ever.
Change happens over generations. Even though change may occur in someone's lifetime (say, Einstein's discovery of space-time), the acceptance of such a monumental discovery will not take place until long after the person has died. Especially if such change deals in matters of faith and belief.
But what change could be needed or asked for? In the matter of Christianity, while there exists much Truth, there seems to exist little agreement on its particulates. Due to this, and due to the fact that--no matter what--most people understand that very intelligent people disagree sharply on scriptural interpretation--many Christians live haphazard and distant Christian lives.
This fact is the main reason for the unification of Christianity. Because though God reaches many who come to believe in Jesus, the arguments over Scripture, dogma, and the hypocrisy that follows have turned away more people from God than ever before. People convert to Christianity because of individual Christians and communities. In rare cases, because of the intellectual argument of the denomination's dogma.
But details of dogma exist.
Once flourished, they cannot be reinserted into the unknown. They must be dealt with. The finest minds and heart will not be able to quell people's desire to know someone important's stance on contraception, the death penalty, Eucharist, or the Holy Spirit. What about liturgy? What about the importance of scripture? Free will? The consequence of the Fall? The reason Christ died?
In the end, Christian leaders...most of them...are concerned with Faith of their believers. They and their believers have achieved this faith by believing what they believe. How, then, could it be wrong? "We have faith...what could be wrong with our interpretation of scripture?" I feel God must have some great purpose for allowing such thoughts.
Although, Divine intervention and grace comes without strings. God does not require a signature to have a relationship or to kindle the fire of Love. He only requires a desire to grow that nondescript "Faith." Thus, it is not that God approves of all the nonsense of humanity, but that God is not so cruel as to let the many burn in Hell and lose access to faith because of the stubbornness of a few. Faith across denominations, then, is not a curse but a kindness. It is our job to have it all make sense and stop the sharp backlash of people against Christianity due to the wild inconsistencies of belief structures.
It is our job to prepare the way for the Lord. It is our job to prepare Earth as a Kingdom of Heaven. God will not be hampered by our stupidity.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
unscrambling eggs
Oh, the destressification has begun. With so many thoughts and anxieties swirling around in my head over the past several weeks, its amazing I'm still alive. It's difficult, you know, to grasp the meaning behind it all. To go for a major change. To contemplate a shift in direction. To realize how it will affect various people in my life, to realize how it will affect a ministry or two or three.
My Lord, my God, I do not know the depths to which you call me. To patience, perhaps, and humility amidst overwhelming frustrations I can't seem to overcome? To change, perhaps, and growth amidst sacrifice and intellectual striving? The funny thing about all of this is that, in the end, it won't be up to me. Truly, I suppose, I could still decide the opposite way from the opened or shut doors, but I doubt it. In the end, it will be completely outside of my control and up to God. Which terrifies me. Which inspires me.
The unknown is what brings me to helplessness. I am at my worst when I realize I have so little control. You know me, always loving control. And why not? When things are in control I at least realize that one part of the world is good and fine and ticking as it should. I realize that one small chunk of humanity is not lost in futility. I realize that I can truly hope in a better world for tomorrow.
Hope, hope, hope. The power of such thoughts is terrifying. Hope is what gets us up in the morning and what can bring us to insanity. Hope in the future, hope in God that we are indeed following His call. What should inspire change? Not overarching political change, but personal, vocation change. Change that moves us in the direction from known to unknown, from labeled and checked and survived to uncharted, unchecked, terrifying. What if I cannot pass the tests? What if I cannot find my way through the dark woods that will surround me then? At least here I can rest easily on the mountainside, knowing all that is around me, trying to ignore the slow slippage under my feet. Trying not to understand that these rocks will crush me more than the woods will terrify me. Trying not to have too much hope for fear of being terribly disappointed.
But though I lost faith last time, did it not bring me closer to God than I ever was before? Did it not bring be back to Kristen? Did it not bring me back to music and back to my Love for the Divine? So, indeed, I should hope. I should strive will all my heart and not hold back. For in holding back so timidly I limit my trust in God, saying, "I don't want to hope too much because God couldn't rescue me if I was disappointed again." Really? Is this the smallness of my God???
Sheesh, John, you're ridiculous. My God is not small. My God is not afraid. The Spirit of God is courage and strength. Whom shall I fear? Timidity and fear are weapons of the devil, and I simply will not have them in my arsenal. I will strive towards wherever I see the light of God with faith and courage in His Name. Whatever the outcome, He is my King. He is my Love. He is the God who comes to bring us back to Him. He is the One. He is Jesus.
Or in the latest words of U2,
I can stand up for faith, hope, and love,
but while I'm getting over certainly
stop helping God cross the road like a little old lady.
This is what I do when I trivialize the power of God. I reduce him to anxieties, stripping him of power and convincing myself it is all just up to chance. But life is not up to chance. Life is up to faith, hope, and love. With an arsenal of these, I have no fears but the great fear of God. There is no timidity in the love of God. Only strength. Only hope. Only faith. Only love.
Only love.
Praise the Father praise the Son
Praise the Spirit Three in One.
...the rest will have to wait till Easter.
ha.
My Lord, my God, I do not know the depths to which you call me. To patience, perhaps, and humility amidst overwhelming frustrations I can't seem to overcome? To change, perhaps, and growth amidst sacrifice and intellectual striving? The funny thing about all of this is that, in the end, it won't be up to me. Truly, I suppose, I could still decide the opposite way from the opened or shut doors, but I doubt it. In the end, it will be completely outside of my control and up to God. Which terrifies me. Which inspires me.
The unknown is what brings me to helplessness. I am at my worst when I realize I have so little control. You know me, always loving control. And why not? When things are in control I at least realize that one part of the world is good and fine and ticking as it should. I realize that one small chunk of humanity is not lost in futility. I realize that I can truly hope in a better world for tomorrow.
Hope, hope, hope. The power of such thoughts is terrifying. Hope is what gets us up in the morning and what can bring us to insanity. Hope in the future, hope in God that we are indeed following His call. What should inspire change? Not overarching political change, but personal, vocation change. Change that moves us in the direction from known to unknown, from labeled and checked and survived to uncharted, unchecked, terrifying. What if I cannot pass the tests? What if I cannot find my way through the dark woods that will surround me then? At least here I can rest easily on the mountainside, knowing all that is around me, trying to ignore the slow slippage under my feet. Trying not to understand that these rocks will crush me more than the woods will terrify me. Trying not to have too much hope for fear of being terribly disappointed.
But though I lost faith last time, did it not bring me closer to God than I ever was before? Did it not bring be back to Kristen? Did it not bring me back to music and back to my Love for the Divine? So, indeed, I should hope. I should strive will all my heart and not hold back. For in holding back so timidly I limit my trust in God, saying, "I don't want to hope too much because God couldn't rescue me if I was disappointed again." Really? Is this the smallness of my God???
Sheesh, John, you're ridiculous. My God is not small. My God is not afraid. The Spirit of God is courage and strength. Whom shall I fear? Timidity and fear are weapons of the devil, and I simply will not have them in my arsenal. I will strive towards wherever I see the light of God with faith and courage in His Name. Whatever the outcome, He is my King. He is my Love. He is the God who comes to bring us back to Him. He is the One. He is Jesus.
Or in the latest words of U2,
I can stand up for faith, hope, and love,
but while I'm getting over certainly
stop helping God cross the road like a little old lady.
This is what I do when I trivialize the power of God. I reduce him to anxieties, stripping him of power and convincing myself it is all just up to chance. But life is not up to chance. Life is up to faith, hope, and love. With an arsenal of these, I have no fears but the great fear of God. There is no timidity in the love of God. Only strength. Only hope. Only faith. Only love.
Only love.
Praise the Father praise the Son
Praise the Spirit Three in One.
...the rest will have to wait till Easter.
ha.
Monday, February 23, 2009
a dissent of GCD Christianity - belief part 3
Since we have now come to an understanding of Faith and Belief--where Faith is the intangible connection with a more powerful Other and Belief is the adherence and logical trust in a set of rules that connect the intangible with the concrete--we can begin to ask the question: how does one navigate this world of faith and belief? Which are most important? Why?
Faith must be considered the important item. Faith is the connection with the Other. The connection by means of which all else is possible. With no faith, belief is just adherence to a set of rules. With no faith, belief is meaningless (though as Freud wrote, a useful crutch to some). The reason that religion has not vanished since the advent of modern science is that religion is rooted in faith, not belief. Religion is rooted in a deep connection with an Other. Religion is not rooted in a collective adherence to principles and practices. Religion is an explanation of an intangible and remarkable movement of the mind.
How important is belief, then, and how is it rooted in the mind of an individual? Beliefs can be remarkably different, and the overwhelming notion that "all beliefs have some truth to them" strikes me as simple-minded and stupid. All of life has some good in it. All people still retain some gentleness. Useful?
Unfortunately, this notion dominates the underlying thought when it comes to interfaith workings. We have discussions and build upon that which we have in common and do not discuss that which is different.
Our beliefs do not only connect the faith we have to our conscious selves, but they also serve to strengthen and grow such faith. We hold on to these beliefs because they seem the best way to strengthen and grow that faith. They also seem like the best way anyone could strengthen and grow their faith. So how could one sit idly by and let others drift in their faith with another belief structure? Even worse, with a vague belief structure?
I find the latter the most frustrating. For a specific example, I will take the notion of what Jesus of Nazareth instituted at the Last Supper. Was the bread merely a symbol of his life and the wine a symbol of his blood? Or was it, perhaps, actually his body and blood?
The facts and structural basis of beliefs in this case are irrelevant to our train of thought. Many seemingly "good" Christians have opposite beliefs in regards to this subject. Some just have no belief at all. They just participate in a celebration of the Lord's Supper and figure whatever it is, it is.
The two factions I disagree most with in this discussion are those who speak openly of ambivalence--"it doesn't matter what you believe", and those who don't care. The first stance is a microcosm of many people's understanding of ecumenical relations. It reflects an ambivalence and apathy to the root of the problem. It does, in fact, matter what you believe. To say it doesn't with a sort of finality necessarily strips one of any clout in determining future belief structures. Why should one believe someone who disregards their own belief?
The second faction reveals a deep misunderstanding of Faith. For example, the great and rebellious theologians Calvin and Luther disagreed sharply on the Eucharist. Calvin believed it a symbol, Luther believed it a fact. Neither published papers and gave talks excusing the other for his differing belief. Both came together at one point to attempt to resolve the dispute, only to argue for 3 weeks and come away more entrenched in their beliefs than before the meeting. However, both continued to spur the greatest shift in faith movements since the advent of the Eastern Orthodox churches.
The prevalent notion today to dismiss differences and come together on common grounds is wonderful for instilling peace between warring nations, but terrible for increasing faith within individual people. Dismissing differences effectively pushes people away from a clearly defined sense of right and wrong and God, and moves them into a vague notion that echoes Diderot: "Whatever is, is right." Nevertheless, there remains a sense in people that some truly do have it wrong, but in our highly politicized world you will scarcely hear it.
In order to tackle this problem we must begin at the source of belief structures. Usually built from a young age, most people seem incapable of detaching themselves from a deep adherence to the belief structure of their youth. Beginning as early as children form ideas, a set of beliefs are presented and pressed into their understanding of the world. Typically, as children grow to be adults, they are surrounded by others with similar beliefs, thus strengthening the child's resolve and proof of the belief structure. At this point, the child will have realized these beliefs are meant to strengthen this thing called Faith. The now-grown child will have plumbed the depths, at least a little, and discovered an indescribable Other waiting there. This person will then adhere ever more strongly to these beliefs for leading him or her to a connection with this Other, this Being, this Divinity.
Should this person encounter one with a differing belief, the usual response is defiance and an attempt at conversion. For the true faithful person, however, there is an understanding that what they really need to do is see if people have faith. If they don't, help them to find that faith. Converting an already faith-filled person to another belief structure is usually not a priority. The people that think this way are not very popular, but they do have real faith and want others to have the same. If pushed, a true person of faith will desire all people to have his or her belief structure, but realize that there is no good way to do this. If pushed, a true person of faith may say that they would first like to help all people without faith. If they can do that, then they will work on getting people with different belief structures together. A true person of faith will realize that Faith is the important thing. Beliefs come second.
Back to the Last Supper. Many hold a belief in the reality of Jesus's presence in the bread and wine very strongly. Many see it as a powerful symbol, but no actual presence. Of both these groups, there is an understanding of the importance of Faith that allows them to say things like "the beliefs truly don't matter." Their intentions may be pure with this statement, but its effects can be deafening.
The rise of watered down churches espousing 'live good lives' theology defeats the very purpose they were put in place. Perhaps, like a starter drug, these churches will lead people to deeper theologies, but mostly they will bring people to a place where they feel good and a challenged enough for a day. Unfortunately, this is the role many, many churches play in people's lives. Which is also why many people stop attending church. They see through the fluff and claim that they don't need a self-help group, they need a purpose. They need a calling greater than what they have. They need a break from the monotony.
Faith is perhaps the most powerful force within our bodies. It is certainly the most abstract. It may also be the most deadly. To believe that you have Divine Authority to act is a logical point no one can dispute, which is why so many believe different things.
As a hopeful person of faith, I find it far easier to parse out what not to do. Though it is hard to determine who to argue against and when to espouse my deepest beliefs, I know it is not helpful to ever say, "it doesn't matter what you believe here." For though belief structures exist to connect us to Faith, they exist for a darn good reason and should not be taken lightly. They may be very imperfect, but they hold together our fragile minds in helping us understand what it means to say "God."
We must be able to step outside of our beliefs at times to realize the beauty that lies between different belief structures. However, once stories are shared and Faith is acknowledged, we must be always vigilant in our attempts to rectify the errancy of our beliefs. For indeed, there is Truth. There is God. There is life which we do not fully understand. In order to grow in faith, we must never be complacent but selflessly sacrificial in attempting to understand other people's beliefs. It is only in understanding their beliefs that we may understand the beliefs that bring us the most faith.
Faith must be considered the important item. Faith is the connection with the Other. The connection by means of which all else is possible. With no faith, belief is just adherence to a set of rules. With no faith, belief is meaningless (though as Freud wrote, a useful crutch to some). The reason that religion has not vanished since the advent of modern science is that religion is rooted in faith, not belief. Religion is rooted in a deep connection with an Other. Religion is not rooted in a collective adherence to principles and practices. Religion is an explanation of an intangible and remarkable movement of the mind.
How important is belief, then, and how is it rooted in the mind of an individual? Beliefs can be remarkably different, and the overwhelming notion that "all beliefs have some truth to them" strikes me as simple-minded and stupid. All of life has some good in it. All people still retain some gentleness. Useful?
Unfortunately, this notion dominates the underlying thought when it comes to interfaith workings. We have discussions and build upon that which we have in common and do not discuss that which is different.
Our beliefs do not only connect the faith we have to our conscious selves, but they also serve to strengthen and grow such faith. We hold on to these beliefs because they seem the best way to strengthen and grow that faith. They also seem like the best way anyone could strengthen and grow their faith. So how could one sit idly by and let others drift in their faith with another belief structure? Even worse, with a vague belief structure?
I find the latter the most frustrating. For a specific example, I will take the notion of what Jesus of Nazareth instituted at the Last Supper. Was the bread merely a symbol of his life and the wine a symbol of his blood? Or was it, perhaps, actually his body and blood?
The facts and structural basis of beliefs in this case are irrelevant to our train of thought. Many seemingly "good" Christians have opposite beliefs in regards to this subject. Some just have no belief at all. They just participate in a celebration of the Lord's Supper and figure whatever it is, it is.
The two factions I disagree most with in this discussion are those who speak openly of ambivalence--"it doesn't matter what you believe", and those who don't care. The first stance is a microcosm of many people's understanding of ecumenical relations. It reflects an ambivalence and apathy to the root of the problem. It does, in fact, matter what you believe. To say it doesn't with a sort of finality necessarily strips one of any clout in determining future belief structures. Why should one believe someone who disregards their own belief?
The second faction reveals a deep misunderstanding of Faith. For example, the great and rebellious theologians Calvin and Luther disagreed sharply on the Eucharist. Calvin believed it a symbol, Luther believed it a fact. Neither published papers and gave talks excusing the other for his differing belief. Both came together at one point to attempt to resolve the dispute, only to argue for 3 weeks and come away more entrenched in their beliefs than before the meeting. However, both continued to spur the greatest shift in faith movements since the advent of the Eastern Orthodox churches.
The prevalent notion today to dismiss differences and come together on common grounds is wonderful for instilling peace between warring nations, but terrible for increasing faith within individual people. Dismissing differences effectively pushes people away from a clearly defined sense of right and wrong and God, and moves them into a vague notion that echoes Diderot: "Whatever is, is right." Nevertheless, there remains a sense in people that some truly do have it wrong, but in our highly politicized world you will scarcely hear it.
In order to tackle this problem we must begin at the source of belief structures. Usually built from a young age, most people seem incapable of detaching themselves from a deep adherence to the belief structure of their youth. Beginning as early as children form ideas, a set of beliefs are presented and pressed into their understanding of the world. Typically, as children grow to be adults, they are surrounded by others with similar beliefs, thus strengthening the child's resolve and proof of the belief structure. At this point, the child will have realized these beliefs are meant to strengthen this thing called Faith. The now-grown child will have plumbed the depths, at least a little, and discovered an indescribable Other waiting there. This person will then adhere ever more strongly to these beliefs for leading him or her to a connection with this Other, this Being, this Divinity.
Should this person encounter one with a differing belief, the usual response is defiance and an attempt at conversion. For the true faithful person, however, there is an understanding that what they really need to do is see if people have faith. If they don't, help them to find that faith. Converting an already faith-filled person to another belief structure is usually not a priority. The people that think this way are not very popular, but they do have real faith and want others to have the same. If pushed, a true person of faith will desire all people to have his or her belief structure, but realize that there is no good way to do this. If pushed, a true person of faith may say that they would first like to help all people without faith. If they can do that, then they will work on getting people with different belief structures together. A true person of faith will realize that Faith is the important thing. Beliefs come second.
Back to the Last Supper. Many hold a belief in the reality of Jesus's presence in the bread and wine very strongly. Many see it as a powerful symbol, but no actual presence. Of both these groups, there is an understanding of the importance of Faith that allows them to say things like "the beliefs truly don't matter." Their intentions may be pure with this statement, but its effects can be deafening.
The rise of watered down churches espousing 'live good lives' theology defeats the very purpose they were put in place. Perhaps, like a starter drug, these churches will lead people to deeper theologies, but mostly they will bring people to a place where they feel good and a challenged enough for a day. Unfortunately, this is the role many, many churches play in people's lives. Which is also why many people stop attending church. They see through the fluff and claim that they don't need a self-help group, they need a purpose. They need a calling greater than what they have. They need a break from the monotony.
Faith is perhaps the most powerful force within our bodies. It is certainly the most abstract. It may also be the most deadly. To believe that you have Divine Authority to act is a logical point no one can dispute, which is why so many believe different things.
As a hopeful person of faith, I find it far easier to parse out what not to do. Though it is hard to determine who to argue against and when to espouse my deepest beliefs, I know it is not helpful to ever say, "it doesn't matter what you believe here." For though belief structures exist to connect us to Faith, they exist for a darn good reason and should not be taken lightly. They may be very imperfect, but they hold together our fragile minds in helping us understand what it means to say "God."
We must be able to step outside of our beliefs at times to realize the beauty that lies between different belief structures. However, once stories are shared and Faith is acknowledged, we must be always vigilant in our attempts to rectify the errancy of our beliefs. For indeed, there is Truth. There is God. There is life which we do not fully understand. In order to grow in faith, we must never be complacent but selflessly sacrificial in attempting to understand other people's beliefs. It is only in understanding their beliefs that we may understand the beliefs that bring us the most faith.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
peace that overwhelms
There is a small part of me that lies beneath the eradicated distant thoughts; a small piece that lies dormant, waiting for another brush or hope; a small part that fails to understand why i continue to engender the struggle of desire and debate. why it takes me so long to come to grips with the peace that quietly, constantly restores my soul.
Oh, i try. I try to wrestle free from the strangle-hold of this peace...my psyche will devour books, article, logical debates, puzzles, hopes, dreams, anything to prove at last that it does and will always retain control. do you hear? it says. do you hear, incessant space devoid of complexities and struggles? how can you exist? how can you sit back and watch the world collapse on itself while you rest under starry skies? why aren't you working?
This one-sided dialog frequents the less-traveled spaces of my brain. Even now, my head revolts with a sharp pain above my left eye. Ah.
But what of God? What of this peace? How do I understand it? Can I? In the division between what is faith and what is belief, this peace lies firmly in the area of faith. In the area of an unknown force that directs my life. That centers me. A peace that I may call my soul. It arose many years ago inside, several months after a long silent retreat I attended. I discovered this deep silence in which God called me to Him. How beautiful it is, how rare the journey I take to say hello.
When deciding between what I love and what I feel called to do, I have discovered that if these do not seem to line up, I am getting one or both wrong. I am lying to myself. If I feel I should do something...say...feed the poor in Africa...am I being called to this? On the other hand, if I am called to serve at a fairly wealthy church (which I learn only through prayer and listening) though it doesn't seem like they need me or I should (for whatever reason)...I will usually feed the poor and forsake the church. The poor obviously need help and I could produce measurable good; working at the church, who knows who would thank me? Who could see the little I add there?
Thus the dilemma and confusion. The Will of God, however, is synonymous with Love, since God is Love. Being the same, what we long for most in life, what we truly desire, what we Love...is what God wills for us. Though we may perceive that so little good comes from such longings, who are we to know the movements of the world and the mind of God?
Doing what we Love...be it raising a family, doing ministry, playing music, designing a building, or teaching...allows us to be far happier individuals and far more productive members of God's kingdom than we would ever imagine. So much of God's work is unnoticed! It took 30 years for even Jesus to produce 3 amazing ones! Without the 30 years we might term "unproductive," would the other 3 have ever been possible? Without Thomas Merton devoting his life to silence in a Trappist monastery, would he have produced so many writings years later to change so many hearts?
I am impatient. So frickin impatient. I want to see the end, I want to feel the change, I want to discover the beauty and tell the world and hear the bells and feel the rush of the kingdom of God every day!
But God is real, not an abstraction. God does not fly in to excite and then leave the next day. God does not dazzle with fancy clothes or smooth dance moves and end up in rehab facility. God endures. God is. Hebrews 11 and 12 (shout out to Kristen) reminds us that our faith is not alone. That our journey is not one we alone have taken. Paul writes that our faith, our life, our pursuit of Love and God is founded on a faith that has lasted generations upon generations. The idea of God was not developed in the last 20 years. God is not the internet. God is not google. Unfortunately for some (google maps would be much cooler).
God resides in the peace that moves the oceans to rock and the skies to brighten the day. God resides within the depths of our soul that wonder why we care so much about all the money we have or don't have. God resides underneath the stress, and within it. God resides beneath the struggles and pain and tears and drama...He awaits us moment by moment. I would say daily, but God is not restricted by the length of the day, so why shouldn't God wait for us constantly? I fail to understand why our understanding of God seems to sometimes rest upon an ancient and incorrect astronomical view of the universe. There is nothing sacred in a day except that it is a portion of our lives. The Earth spins, we perceive a Yellow Star as "rising" and "setting." Though beautiful, no doubt, I do not see how it defines our relationship with God. I do not believe God is confined to 23.934-hour periods of time (look it up). Why shouldn't we attend church once every seven days according to a Martin day? Or a Venus day? Or a Mercury day? Sure, we live on Earth, but we are but one part of God's amazingly amazing universe. We may be the most important and beloved part, but we are but one part.
I digress.
The difficulty lies, as it always has and always will, in giving up control. In realizing that having faith means coming to grips with the fact that I cannot and will not understand it all. At least not while I'm alive. Having faith means being able to humbly and ferociously seek after what is Love. You and I will fail. Often. But it is the search that leads us to God. For if we seek what we Love, truly, in Love and through Love, we seek God.
And God does not disappoint.
Oh, i try. I try to wrestle free from the strangle-hold of this peace...my psyche will devour books, article, logical debates, puzzles, hopes, dreams, anything to prove at last that it does and will always retain control. do you hear? it says. do you hear, incessant space devoid of complexities and struggles? how can you exist? how can you sit back and watch the world collapse on itself while you rest under starry skies? why aren't you working?
This one-sided dialog frequents the less-traveled spaces of my brain. Even now, my head revolts with a sharp pain above my left eye. Ah.
But what of God? What of this peace? How do I understand it? Can I? In the division between what is faith and what is belief, this peace lies firmly in the area of faith. In the area of an unknown force that directs my life. That centers me. A peace that I may call my soul. It arose many years ago inside, several months after a long silent retreat I attended. I discovered this deep silence in which God called me to Him. How beautiful it is, how rare the journey I take to say hello.
When deciding between what I love and what I feel called to do, I have discovered that if these do not seem to line up, I am getting one or both wrong. I am lying to myself. If I feel I should do something...say...feed the poor in Africa...am I being called to this? On the other hand, if I am called to serve at a fairly wealthy church (which I learn only through prayer and listening) though it doesn't seem like they need me or I should (for whatever reason)...I will usually feed the poor and forsake the church. The poor obviously need help and I could produce measurable good; working at the church, who knows who would thank me? Who could see the little I add there?
Thus the dilemma and confusion. The Will of God, however, is synonymous with Love, since God is Love. Being the same, what we long for most in life, what we truly desire, what we Love...is what God wills for us. Though we may perceive that so little good comes from such longings, who are we to know the movements of the world and the mind of God?
Doing what we Love...be it raising a family, doing ministry, playing music, designing a building, or teaching...allows us to be far happier individuals and far more productive members of God's kingdom than we would ever imagine. So much of God's work is unnoticed! It took 30 years for even Jesus to produce 3 amazing ones! Without the 30 years we might term "unproductive," would the other 3 have ever been possible? Without Thomas Merton devoting his life to silence in a Trappist monastery, would he have produced so many writings years later to change so many hearts?
I am impatient. So frickin impatient. I want to see the end, I want to feel the change, I want to discover the beauty and tell the world and hear the bells and feel the rush of the kingdom of God every day!
But God is real, not an abstraction. God does not fly in to excite and then leave the next day. God does not dazzle with fancy clothes or smooth dance moves and end up in rehab facility. God endures. God is. Hebrews 11 and 12 (shout out to Kristen) reminds us that our faith is not alone. That our journey is not one we alone have taken. Paul writes that our faith, our life, our pursuit of Love and God is founded on a faith that has lasted generations upon generations. The idea of God was not developed in the last 20 years. God is not the internet. God is not google. Unfortunately for some (google maps would be much cooler).
God resides in the peace that moves the oceans to rock and the skies to brighten the day. God resides within the depths of our soul that wonder why we care so much about all the money we have or don't have. God resides underneath the stress, and within it. God resides beneath the struggles and pain and tears and drama...He awaits us moment by moment. I would say daily, but God is not restricted by the length of the day, so why shouldn't God wait for us constantly? I fail to understand why our understanding of God seems to sometimes rest upon an ancient and incorrect astronomical view of the universe. There is nothing sacred in a day except that it is a portion of our lives. The Earth spins, we perceive a Yellow Star as "rising" and "setting." Though beautiful, no doubt, I do not see how it defines our relationship with God. I do not believe God is confined to 23.934-hour periods of time (look it up). Why shouldn't we attend church once every seven days according to a Martin day? Or a Venus day? Or a Mercury day? Sure, we live on Earth, but we are but one part of God's amazingly amazing universe. We may be the most important and beloved part, but we are but one part.
I digress.
The difficulty lies, as it always has and always will, in giving up control. In realizing that having faith means coming to grips with the fact that I cannot and will not understand it all. At least not while I'm alive. Having faith means being able to humbly and ferociously seek after what is Love. You and I will fail. Often. But it is the search that leads us to God. For if we seek what we Love, truly, in Love and through Love, we seek God.
And God does not disappoint.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
the inconstancy of thought
i don't understand sometimes why my mind travels as it does. why the neurons fire and release, hold and capture, dry up and let go. why not delegate the next realm of thought for another day? why not let the myriad longings decrease against the sky?
i find my mind overwhelmed. afraid. to let go. to even attempt to understand why. i desire to grow. i desire to grow. i desire to be a saint. to be a Saint. but what is that next to life? what does that mean in my small world? i cannot change the universe with a single blow. i cannot shift the mindset of all. i can mold that which is within my grasp--so small a morsel. i can engender change within those around me--so minute a group.
what is success? what is failure? what is the measure of my accomplishments against the mighty tides of God? how can I best serve Him & His ways? how can I once again dive into depths of the Eucharist, never to be seen again, never to be known save fro the face of God? am i committed to mediocrity, committed to passion amidst terrible struggles and mundane movements. committed to allowing one force to overcome, one foul swoop to push me aside and make me rest against the ties that bind?
if i commit to answer amidst the pouring rain, will i answer wrong?
what, if all, confuses my belief
what determines my thought
i cannot taste the root of my inconstancy.
i look to music to restore my soul. i look to music to train my mind, and once again i have allowed myself to fall away, forsaking all but the future to the despair of what is now.
God, allow me respite. Allow me grief, love, joy, sorrow. Allow me to understand, or at least to know the next step upon the wind-blown trail to take. I have but one pair of feet, one set of eyes, one pair of hands to serve you. Guide me truly. Guide me truly.
i find my mind overwhelmed. afraid. to let go. to even attempt to understand why. i desire to grow. i desire to grow. i desire to be a saint. to be a Saint. but what is that next to life? what does that mean in my small world? i cannot change the universe with a single blow. i cannot shift the mindset of all. i can mold that which is within my grasp--so small a morsel. i can engender change within those around me--so minute a group.
what is success? what is failure? what is the measure of my accomplishments against the mighty tides of God? how can I best serve Him & His ways? how can I once again dive into depths of the Eucharist, never to be seen again, never to be known save fro the face of God? am i committed to mediocrity, committed to passion amidst terrible struggles and mundane movements. committed to allowing one force to overcome, one foul swoop to push me aside and make me rest against the ties that bind?
if i commit to answer amidst the pouring rain, will i answer wrong?
what, if all, confuses my belief
what determines my thought
i cannot taste the root of my inconstancy.
i look to music to restore my soul. i look to music to train my mind, and once again i have allowed myself to fall away, forsaking all but the future to the despair of what is now.
God, allow me respite. Allow me grief, love, joy, sorrow. Allow me to understand, or at least to know the next step upon the wind-blown trail to take. I have but one pair of feet, one set of eyes, one pair of hands to serve you. Guide me truly. Guide me truly.
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